i hate my mum what should i do?

everything i do she criticises and i hate her for it. is this just a fase? will it go? what should i do? please help

11 comments on “i hate my mum what should i do?

  1. This kind of statement amazes me. Hate is a very strong, emotive word and to use it in the same sentence as your own Mother is shocking in the extreme.

    How can you possibly hate the very person who has neutered you, who gave you life, warmth, succoured you, wiped your runny nose and filthy backside when you were too young and incapable of doing it yourself. This is someone who worried for you at every cough, sneeze and rise in temperature, who got up at night and changed your bed when you wet it or were sick in it. She did it without complaint so you would be warm and comfortable, her thanks is that you hate her!

    So you can’t help how you feel, or can you? Yes, you can. Stop and think for a moment, think of all that she has done for you in your short life. Think of what lies ahead for you when you bring children of your own into this world. How will you feel after years of devotion to your child when it turns around and says, ‘I hate you!’?

    Stop looking as if everything is directed as a criticism of you without cause. There are lots of things going on in your life right now, but your Mother is not your enemy, she is your protector. She still worries after you all these years later, you think you are grown up, but hating your mother is proof that you are not. Where will you turn when things go wrong and you need help? I know you can’t see it, but what she is doing is looking out for you and maybe if you stopped and listened, instead of mouth off back, and thought about the things she said to you, you might just see it for what it is, not the criticism you think it is.

    Don’t hate your own Mother, love her as she has loved you unconditionally all this time.

  2. Your mum probably does critcise you a lot, and every time she does, you notice. And then sometimes, she will say something to you which could be taken as a criticism, and so you do. And there will be other times, when she says something which is not a criticism at all, but you will take it the wrong way, until it seems like every time she opens her mouth, she is criticising you.
    This vicious circle will go round and round, until you feel nothing but resentment towards your mum (resentment, not hatred – try not to get those mixed up).
    You need to find a good time, when you are not both stressed with each other, and tell her, calmly, how you are feeling. Accept that while you may be partly right, you may also have got it slightly wrong as well. She probably doesn't mean to upset or anger you as much as she is doing, and you are probably seeing the most negative side of everything she says to you.
    Give her examples. Tell her one occasion when you think she was unduly critical towards you, but then really listen to what she says. Maybe she doesn't realise what she is doing wrong, and will try to moderate what she says to you, after your discussion, but it works both ways. You may need to be a bit more chilled as well, and shrug things off when they annoy you, instead of, as I suspect you are doing, making a mental list, and storing it up, adding to it and growing more and more resentful.
    I'm sure you don't really hate your mum, when you think about it, but there are times when you feel that your relationship with her is unbearable. But if that is the case, maybe you are both making it that way, not just her.
    If you can be grown up about the situation, then she is likely to treat you more like a grown up, and things will be much more harmonious between you.

  3. Parents always look out for their children. If they make a comment (or critise), it is because they think it would help you avoid a pitfall, instead of the child having to learn by mistakes.

    Maturity always helps to understand your mother's good intentions. When you're young, freedom is probably everything, your mother's always behind you to guide you.

    You do not have to hate her if you do not agree with her. Genuinely discuss with her, understand her point of view, and explain your point of view. Lack of communications is often the cause of misunderstandings.

    I lost my mother to illness four years ago, and I still miss her very, very much.

  4. I've been sat here for some ten minutes, and I'll tell you something people here know me well enough to tell you I'm neither backward about coming forward, nor do I get stuck for words often. The only reason I've chosen to pick my words carefully is because they'd get moderated if if I didn't.

    The single reason you 'hate your mother', is because her love for you, in whichever way it manifests itself stops you being the spoilt little 'brat' (one of the few times I pull a punch I can tell ya)and getting your own way.

    What is it this time? You can't go out when you please, have your boyfriend/girlfriend over on a school night? Have to stay in and do your homework? All of the above? More?

    We've all been there and done that. Do you think you're the only one that's ever 'been' a kid? (I care not for the mumbled protestation that you're not btw)

    You don't feel hate at all. People your age are very rarely truly in control or have any real understanding of their emotions. 'Hate' is a very strong word – it also means you've lost control.

    I don't know what it is with the changing attitudes of a generation but the is no way in hell I'd ever tell my mum nor ever so much as think I hated her, and yet can be laid in stark comparison, sometimes, to 'mothers' like my ex-wife, whose efforts were less-than-par, as far as 'my' children were concerned, but again, regardless, that does not equate them having licence to, or be encouraged to hate her. They probably had reason to.

    As JennyGem said, you will come to realise, probably when it's too late, just how ashamed you should be of that.

    What should you do?

    Apologise, to your mum, because if she's anything like mine, she doesn't deserve any of flack you're giving her right now, and very much deserves the apology you KNOW in your heart you owe her.

    Similar to mathpath, I lost mine to illness 12 years ago, and I miss her probably more now than ever.

    Don't allow yourself to become a statistical victim of the saying 'you don't know what you have til you lose it' – the modern day child, remember, has the modern day parent – they have the ability, it seems to return the sentiment.

    So behave, before life bites you squarely on the backside.

    Now go back, read the question again, and grow up.

    If some people find this a bit strong, that's as maybe, but this 'is' edited – heavily – I have to say I really am quite distraught on this one.

    I love my mum.

  5. Yes it is a Phase, and it should pass. I believe you really love your mum but you do feel like you hate her sometimes but only because you haven't got the vocabulary or the understanding of these emotions to express your feelings in a more in depth and articulate way.

    Rebellion is a natural part of growing up and it helps us find the strength to one day stand on our own two feet.

    When we rebel we question things and try to find answers using the life experience we have gained so far, but sadly this is not always enough to see the whole picture. Parents have lived longer and had more experience so of course they will see things different, and at a tender age it can feel like criticism.

    None of us are born parents so we have to learn too, but we (in most cases) try to do our best when raising our children, but we do make mistakes and could in hindsight often handle things better.

    As suggested above, try and talk to your mother and let her know how you feel. Try not using the word hate, but maybe try telling her something like it upsets you that you feel she is criticizing you at every turn and you don't understand why she is doing it.

    Best of Luck and have faith that you will not always feel like this. My mam and I fought like cat and dog for years, but I love her dearly and regret saying I hated her when I was a teenager, but lucky she knew I didn't and understood it was part of growing up.

  6. Yes it is a phase and you will grow out of it. Your mum just cares about you … love her for it

  7. You should go live on your own for six months. You'll love her again long before the six months are up.

  8. Teenagers- Tired of being harassed by your stupid parents?

    ACT NOW!!! Move out, get a job, pay your bills; while you still know everything…

    Just imagine if she suddenly was not there anymore and there was nothing you could do to bring her back.

    Then tell me that you still feel the same way!

  9. Firstly, not all parents are good parents and not all teenagers are obnoxious so I find the blanket condemnation of the questioner is a little unreasonable. I had a friend who took TallScotsGuy's advice and moved out and it was the best thing she ever did. Having said that, a lot of parent-teenager issues seem to arise from each party not being able to see the other's point of view. Also I tend find that a complaint of too much criticism can often be explained by the fact that a parent's opinion is _so_ important to a child that anything they say can be mis-interpreted. I think it's worth asking yourself if you are being a little oversensitive and jumping to the conclusion that everything your mother says is a criticism. The comment about growing up is not particularly helpful as it is exactly this that tends to trigger conflicts between children and parents.

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